Boo!

Alright.. it's a long since some one blogged.. So I will get the ball rolling again. :)
Hmm.. wanna thank you guys for praying for me, My fever's slightly better now, though it's not completely gone. It's the fourth day and it currently at a 38.4deg. I'm rpetty worried about it, so.. do help me out by continuing to keep me in prayer ok? :) missed you guys on sunday! Heard from MZ that Zihao came? OMG.. Zihao. long time since I last saw u la... haha. Glad to have you back. How was Ex service one saturday? did MZ lead? haha..

How was monthly meeting? Kinda feeling double-mndedabout ministries issues. Yea, I wanna go my best for God, using all that He's provided me, the gifts and talents to bring glory to His name. But.. I don't wanna be misunderstood. In a scenario as such, I can't help but focus on the "fact" that I will be misunderstood, that the leader(s) will not know where I'm coming from and what are my original Godly intentions. The things I've to deal with, yes, they are technical issues, very dry issues. No, I'm not doubting the leadership of the worship minsitry, no I'm not doubting the annoiting of God over His chosen leaders- i wouldn't dare. What I'm saying is.. Everyone of us is a member of the body right? Each has it's fuctions? I'm not claiming my speciality in being the "important" or "special" one, but.. I'm sure, I've been given the gift to see certain issues that no one seen- or at least nothing has been done about it as yet. Being in the music scene since 8, playing in the Istana, shaking the presidents (past and present) hands, oversea masterclass at Queensland Uni a 12, performing at Sydney opera house at 17, World Music contest in Nethelands with a Gold with distinction award at 19.. I see myself pretty 'qualified' to comment. BUT, I know there's a difference when it comes to the church context.

You know, i was pretty turned off when I was talking to a certain church leader for the first time regarding ministry issues and he/she said "well, come for monthly meeting next sat, perhaps it'll give u more opportunities to know me better.. and my qualifications." I was horrified. I dont' need to know your qualifications! You can be a newbie in music, but if you're God's chosen one, I believe you'll soar higher than one with Music Uni qualifications! Turned off I was. very. Nevertheless, that's not gonna stop me from serving God. Pst Zhuang from CHC one said in his sermon that "if serving God is your second choice, forget it. If serving God has to be at your convinience, forget it." So.. yea. Though I've been through sufficient torment in myself regarding these technical issues, I'm not gonna let it rest. I've griefed enough during services abt such issues, I've been disturbed enough during worship. Neither am I gonna take the easy way out and run away. I believe God has His plan for me in this church. I believe God has a place for me in this family. I believe I can make a difference for Him, to glorify His kingdom.

Credo. (Latin for 'I believe')
Do you?

I recall being called into the P's office real often in sec. sch days. Once, I was struggling really bad with A-maths and 8 subjects- I was on my braeking point. After crying and passing me sufficient tissue and hot tea, she questioned me how i could improve on my grades and I shaked my head in desperation. She smiled and said "Dwit". I though she just called me a "dimwit"(slang for stupid)! Later i realize, what she meant was D.W.I.T= Do What It Takes. That's what she did all her life, and that's what I will too.

Meixian said:

hello i know what y'all are all doing now. you're singing "great is His love, great is his everlasting love" in service now(: i get free commentaries from my friend there(:

i donno how to blog in here so i can only leave comments hurhur

i feel the need to update y'all on what's happening at home (which actually is nothing much) and above thanking mingzhu for sharing my testimony to the whole youth congregation, i also need to say how that makes me feel and blahblah, ok here i go:

harvester's great and i don't feel feel quite so alone in this persecution thing and i am thankful, i really am. lately, mingzhu's been informing me of cell meetings and june asked if i was going for service and i didn't reply anything at all. because i don't feel good saying "no i can't" all the time. it feels wrong to keep turning down people who only want the best for you.

i've told lindy bout this. my parents are really actually very strict. all the times i've gone to church, all my excuses were PW (project work). never once did i say im going out with friends or just "to a friend's house" because i dont get permission very easily to just Go Out For Fun. and yesterday when you were all having service, i was at a sec4 cca gathering and even then, when i reached home, my parents wanted to call my friend up and ask if i really was there. i mean like when june was tutoring me for promos, when my dad first met her, the first thing he asked was "are you christian?" and she had to lie that she wasn't simply because my parents are completely against me being friends with christians now. even when my schoolmates aren't spared. even my catholic friends aren't.

of course i want to drop everything and just open the door and go for cell. but i cannot just tell my parents "i'm going to a friend's house" for no reason, and i'm sorry that my parents are so strict.

another thing is right now i'm finding it hard to break out of comfort zone. and i know alot of times being a christian is about going out of our comfort zones but this is how things are right now ok: (i've told jeremy ABIT about this) my parents and i never got along and now somehow, my faith has cooled down my temper alot and in face of criticisms and being put down, i can now turn everything around and just take everything lightly knowing that no matter what they say, i know they love me. and my relationship with my parents has just started becoming smooth and i know slowly but steadily, trust is being built up again (since the saturday they found out i've been lying to them just to go to church) and i am really very unwilling to have to lie to them to go to church again. i never wanted to lie anyway just to go to cell/church and worship God. why must i? it's not right. but yet inside me, i so badly want to go too. and that's my dilemma.

and my sister shares my sentiments in this: that underneath it all, no matter how much they persecute us, we still love our parents. and i really know that if i were to, along with the support of the church, 'emerge victorious' and be able to go to church freely, i know it will be them i am hurting. then i will make them feel like they've failed as parents and I REALLY DONT WANT TO.

maybe the real obstacle isn't really my parents. maybe it's that thing in me that makes me unwilling to hurt them in all that i do.

i haven't gotten arouund to tidying my thoughts yet, this is The Jumbled Up Version. it's just something i have to say, i'm not particularly looking for answers as well. i don't feel the need to understand anything because He knows it all, i can just trust. i'm contented enough doing my QT behind a locked door but i still wanna meet y'all soon, yet i donno how without lying to my parents.

thank you for the relacement card. i'll just keep believing that GOD WILL MAKE A WAY WHEN THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY and pray that He will tell me what to do soon.

Love(:

crucified
laid behind a stone
you lived to die
rejected and alone

like a rose
trampled on the ground
you took the fall
and thought of me
above all

NRIC Camp 2005

Harrows... this is Long Jun...

As you probably already know, the youth camp is from 5th to 8th December 2005, and I would like to remind all camp goers that the full payment of $110 should have been paid by 1st October, but since that has past, as soon as possible. If you are unable to come up with the funds, please see Limin about it... otherwise i'm going to get a serious headache... hehe...

Long Jun out.